Laughing With - Regina Spektor
Stiles dropped his head into his hands and sighed, running his hands over his shorn head. He glanced up and looked at Derek, then forced a fake smile to his eyes. The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, however, and it seemed incredibly painful.
“I know,” he huffed, pouting. “I won’t fall asleep during dinner, I just need to actually get some food in me so I can stay awake,” he pointed out, sighing slightly as he leaned on the table.
Stiles sighed once more when he thought about his team mates. He knew they didn’t like him, but he thought Danny would at least be on his side. Thinking back on it, he realized Danny wasn’t even there. Neither was Scott, actually. He distinctly remembers seeing Jackson, however. He sighed and buried his head in his hands, waiting for the food to arrive. “It’s not your fault,” he replied, smiling that fake smile once more.
“That’s a good idea.” Derek commented on Stiles’ plan to eat something. They didn’t have to wait much longer before the waitress came back with Stiles’ order. She asked Derek again if he really didn’t want anything, but he declined. Once she was gone, he focused his attention back on Stiles who looked down on his food like a hungry.. well, wolf.
“I know it’s not.” Derek said, his voice calm and somehow emotionless. He knew it wasn’t his fault. Yet, he could relate to Stiles’ feelings. He knew how it felt to wake up in the morning, realizing everyone you loved was gone. And to never get a chance to say goodbye. Part of him wanted to tell Stiles how sorry he really was and how much he understood but another part of him - a small and nasty part - felt a hint of anger; maybe jealousy.
Stiles was wrong. He had gotten a chance to say goodbye. His mother didn’t just die. She had been sick; over months - maybe years? - he had watched her slowly fade away from him. He had had the chance to say goodbye and get used to the thought of living his life without his mother.
Derek had never got this chance. His family had been taken from him from one moment to another. Back then he had fallen into a state of shock that never really stopped having a hold of him.
Of course Derek didn’t say any of this. Not only because while he was thinking about it, he wasn’t sure which version was worse. Losing someone without being able to say goodbye or suffering for months, knowing the person you love is gonna be taken from you soon.
“How’s the food?” he asked after a while watching Stiles eat in silence. “Feeling a little better?”